Bathroom humor

I made a wish this morning.

It wasn't an extravagant wish. I didn't wish to win the lottery...I didn't wish for world peace....I didn't even wish for a clean house.

I merely wished for 10 minutes in the shower, alone. One of those simple pleasures of life which I used to take for granted, but elude me now that I have claimed the title of "mother."

It's not the first time I've wished for this, but rarely does it come true. But I thought my chances were good this time. I'd asked Nadia no less than five times if she wanted to shower with me, and every time she'd adamantly insisted NO, no shower today.

So I left her sitting on the couch watching the weather channel (hey, it was her choice!) surrounded by toys (remember, no clean house).

And I proceeded to take my solitary 10-minute shower.

Minute 1: I undress in peace and step under the steam of cool water. Showering alone is a luxury but I can't afford to luxuriate too much. Every second that passes increases the chance of finding chaos when I emerge from the bathroom. So I only relish the water streaming over my back for a few moments before reaching for the shampoo bottle.

Minute 2: My calm haven is invaded. Nadia barrels into the bathroom and sweeps the shower curtain aside to show me the aquarium magazine she's found. "Mommy, I looking for Nemo" she reports. "You help me?" I barely manage to knock the magazine aside before it meets a watery grave.

Minute 3: I have convinced Nadia to sit on the closed toilet as she searches for Nemo. Over the sound of the water, I engage in a discussion of fish I cannot see. Without me there to correct her, they are all green.

Minute 4: The shower curtain is again thrust open and Nadia offers me her basket of bath toys. Since she opened the side by the shower head, water sprays out and covers the bathroom before I can clutch the curtain closed again. Nadia gleefully says "now you can play, Mommy! I share with you!"

Minute 5: Nadia announces that she needs to go potty. She is still wearing pajamas and a diaper, and I consider how to undress her while in the shower. But when I peer out, I find her standing there stark naked. Evidently pants, shirt and diaper no longer pose a problem for her.

Minute 6: Now we face another potty-related dilemma: the little potty seat isn't in this bathroom. It almost always stays here, but last night we brought it to the other bathroom while Daddy bathed (alone, I might add). Yet Nadia clamors onto the toilet without a problem and she perches there in leap-frog position. But then she freezes, paralyzed over the gaping hole large enough to swallow a small girl. She can't get back down by herself, so I get out of the shower and rescue her, again dripping water all over the bathroom.

Minute 7: I've sent Nadia to retrieve the potty seat from the other bathroom, and I'm frantically lathering my body and worrying - where she will potty?? what she will destroy while free in the house??

Minute 8: Nadia is back (without the potty seat). Now she wants to shower with me, and telling her Mommy's almost done does nothing to dissuade her. She climbs in and "helps" me shave by wiping all the shaving cream off my legs and onto her own legs. She proceeds to "do that (ie, shave) just like Mommy" using a foam flower in place of a razor. Hey, whatever works!

Minute 9: As long as she's here we may as well wash her. I squeeze "The Mayor's Melon Shampoo" into my hand and work it into her hair before she can protest.

Minute 10: Now we just have to rinse her hair - something easier said than done. She hates having her hair washed, hates it with a passion. I scoop her into my arms and muscle my way through it, reminding her to look up so water won't get in her eyes as she screams like a banshee. She kicks and flails, knocking me off balance so we both almost fall. But we're done. And - bonus! - we even made the 10 minute goal.

Nadia climbs of of the tub faster than I can catch her, slippery as an eel. I grab a fluffy green towel to wrap around her, but she throws it back off, shrieking for her towel. But since I hadn't planned on her showing with me, her towel's not there; Elmo is in the laundry, Bunny is in the closet across the hall. She streaks across the hall, opens the closet and gets Bunny herself. Isn't it great having a self-sufficient kid! (haha).

So much for my wish for 10 minutes in the shower alone. Maybe next time I make a wish, I'll aim high - world peace, winning the lottery, a clean house. If it's not going to come true anyway, might as well dream big!



I rarely take "nakid" pictures of her anymore...but she asked for these ones! And she posed! So how could I say no? And they're just so dang CUTE. There's a whole bunch more that I'm keeping over at Flickr protected by the F&F designation. So if you're a Flickr Friend come on over and see some more adorable bunny pictures.